I have found that when I was in my prior relationship for over eight years, in the beginning I stated..."Can we talk", in order to lessen the stress or simply to imply I want to speak truthfully and frankly in order to make sure I would be heard without him going into defense.
Not that this method was solely used for the purpose of trying to tame down an unnecessary blow up from occuring, cause that wasn't always the case. But it was also a means to find out, if watching TV was a priority vs. talking.
In other words it was a feeler . I am the type that prefers to know, then guess and allow my mind to do over self analizing.
The clues I hinted gave me the feedback I needed to recieve in order to know whether to go on or not. Many times it created neat conversations which turned out to be informative not just for me, but for both. Or just simply fun. When in a new relationship, isn't it amazing how polite we can be? However we all look forward to the "comfort stage", since that is the most comfortable of all for two people who love each other should be. I'm usually who I am from the onsite. Easy going, very adaptable, not argumentative, very supportative and I got your back, cause that's me. However, it would have been nice if the newness of the relationship wouldn't have been so much slated to my efforts being more of the one giving plus being myself vs. a less attempt of the other being real of themselves; then they pretended to be, you know?
Regardless of whether it was one way or not, unfortuniately that isn't always discovered until much time is put into the relationship, since this relationship had a fifteen year friendship prior to Love creeping in. So when the time of "comfort", routine should have set in; including giving my all to him, the blow that layed ahead was a heartbreak for me of the worst kind I'm sorry to state. Foolishly he played me well; before he evolved into the wolf he really was, all the while disquised in sheeps clothing. Or perhaps it was denial on my part with hope in the name of Love to last my life time? For sure I believed he'd turn back to that sweet loving guy he pretended to be, but not it wasn't the case. Which was followed several times with the words...
WE GOTTA TALK......NOW! Before it became
As I see it, I gave my all due to the fact I was in a Committed Relationship, whether married or not. Enough time had been put in, on my part and his part to make efforts to not part. Foolishly I thought more this way than my counter partner did, no doubt. But I'm okay afterall.
According to 1 Cor. 13 in the Bible, "Love is not Proud....." and it's the scripture most used in Wedding ceramonies.
Love Never Fails, is speaking of Jesus. That I know now for sure.
My life's journey early on was in seeking that Love Soul Partner to connect with a male who sought out the same. I may not have been destined to that reality because of my poor choices or the fact it wasn't to be for me.
I'm greatful for the Faith that didn't totally give up on me, regardless of several times being crushed in the heart continually. Recovering from such heartaches are tough enough, add losing in what meant most to my being is amazing, yes I still breathe, walk and talk.
However, I know now who my True Love really is and has been, as He patiently waited for me to realize it for myself, plus never Abandoned me, and Loves me Unconditionally; Just as I am, its amazing how True Love of the Best Kind really is once you believe and recieve it.
The best part is I didn't die longing for a Love that never came as I continued seeking for Love in all the wrong places. Oh My God, to die prior to discovering who My True Love would have been the worst for all eternity, thank God you Lord Broke Me from Myself; By\ Faith I am Loved. By Your Grace I recieve Unconditional Love of the Best Kind, with the Promise which won't ever be broken is truly a Wonderful gift from God Himself. For me, sinful, repented and now forgiven to be with Jesus for Eternity makes me feel like a little girl again; filled with wonder, joy and purity. A Love that isn't based on sexuality and worldly compromise.
I will never have to say again, "Can we talk?", or worst state, "We need to Talk",
That's just so wonderful....and it's just not for me alone.
Mama C ;)
Contented, and Surrendered in Jesus Christ, who looks forward to our being together each and every day, and hour, plus eventually Eternity. Neato!!!!